January 9
by vaso.caskett
Summary: "He knows what January 9 means to her. He understands why she is on edge today." How Caskett spend this day. Set in Season 5.


**Author's Note:** This story was originally written last year, so it's based on how Caskett spend January 9 of season 5 together.  
Hope you like it.  
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He knows what Jan. 9 means to her. He understands why she is on edge today, why she snaps at Esposito for some lab results that hadn't made it to her office yet. He watches her shoulders shag when she is in the break room, but not once does he comment.

* * *

He knew since last night, when she kindly rejected to stay over after the movie. He could feel the mood shifting as the movie reached its end. She stayed snuggled in his arms for some time after, but she didn't say a word. Again, he didn't pressure, only when she placed a lingering kiss on his lips and got up to leave, he tagged her back on his lap kissing her with all he got, that he whispered he preferred she stayed over, "Especially tonight!" he emphasized making it clear. She looked at him not as much surprised that he remembered, as contemplating whether or not to accept his offer. He's seen her at her worst anyway, so what difference would this night make? Deep inside she wanted to stay, wanted to curl up with him, be comforted by him. But her stubborn self, won this round. With eyes bright with unshed tears, she gave him what she hoped was a reassuring kiss and a small smile and headed for the door. Castle was worried sick seeing her like that, but once again he kept his mouth shut. The only request he made, is that she texts him when she arrives at her place.

He didn't get much sleep that night, worried about her; was she crying herself to sleep? Did she drown her sorrows with a bottle of her favorite wine? Did she spend the night building up her walls again, or even worse forming a plan to revenge Bracken? He tried to write to distract himself but every story idea he got was very morbid even for him. He gave up the pretense of writing, around 3. His hand was itching to grab the phone and text her something reassuring. At first he refrained himself but he knew he wouldn't be able to get any kind of sleep if he didn't try to communicate with her. He gave in; "I'm here for you, Always!" Although he knew she wouldn't answer, this little gesture put his mind at ease for the time, and he finally managed to catch a few hours of sleep.

In another part of the town Kate Beckett sat on the couch wrapped up in as many blankets possible silently crying; for the mother she's lost, the things she didn't get to share with her, the person she's become after her murder. She wanted to be better; she thought she was making progress so why didn't she stay with Castle? Obviously she needed him to be there for her but why won't she admit it? She knows that when it comes to Castle she doesn't have to be superwoman, not anymore, she can let go of the façade and let him take care of her. But still she doesn't let go completely. Her mind wondered to that second year of their partnership. The first Jan. 9th since he found out the meaning of the date (well snoop in is the right verb, she contemplates with a small laugh). He came to the precinct her favorite coffee in hand as always and on the other hand a bag full of the breakfast she liked along with a note with a smiley face. He didn't comment then either, he just handed her the bag with a nod and took his usual spot by her desk. When their day ended and just before they parted, he had offered to take a walk with her, "to clear her head". She declined using the excuse that she had dinner plans with her father but thanked him anyway. The double meaning was lost on him, so when she stopped him with a hand on his arm and told him a heartfelt "thank you" while looking at him, he replied with their now trademark "always". The first time she got to hear it; well back then it was "always at your services" but still. It's that precise moment that her phone signaled his text message. Reading the text is her undoing. The silent tears turn into mourning sobs and she regrets having left his side. Because if she were; she would be hugging the man himself, instead of a stupid phone with his message still on display.

* * *

He is the first to arrive at the precinct. He knows, she usually arrives 15 or so minutes later, but today he wants to be the one to welcome her, make her smile even with the small gesture of giving her, her daily fix. When the elevator doors open and she approaches, his heart clenches at her sight. The deep dark circles under her eyes betray her sleepless night and the red eyes betray what exactly she had been doing during the night.

"Good morning detective!" he greets handing her coffee. A small smile plays on her lips and when she notices the smiling face he's drawn on the cup she almost loses it. Her eyes start to shimmer but she doesn't let it show. She puts her hair in front of her face, sits on her desk, takes a few calming breaths and eventually nothing betrays her pain.

He sits shocked on his chair, he thought the gesture would cheer her up, but it causes her more distress. She glances around the bullpen and since it's still early she notices that no one is around to eavesdrop or notice her gesture, so she catches his hand which is laying idle on her desk and intertwines their fingers, running soothing circles with her thumb.

"Thank you!" she speaks her first words since last night, her voice obviously scratchy from crying.

"Always!" he smiles back at her, hoping their word will bring some of her spark back. Her smile is brighter this time but her eyes are still shinning and he thinks that he'll have to get used to it, since this is the look she will wear for the day.

"I missed you last night." She confesses, and it takes him by surprise. He doesn't say anything, just squeezes her hand to encourage her.

"I almost called you a couple of times, but both times I hang up before it connected."

"You should have called, I wasn't sleeping anyway. Was too busy being concerned over a certain detective." It's his time to confess, and it's her turn to squeeze his hand to reassure him.

"It doesn't get any better Castle", she sighs, "He is still out there enjoying his life and it's times like this I wish I had done something different that day!" she stops doesn't want to scare him with her admission. "For the first time in fourteen years I didn't look at the home made murder board because I finally knew who did it, I had his face right in front of me, but it didn't make it any easier."

"We'll get him when the time is right." He whispers.

She heaves a long sigh but before they can continue their talk, Gates arrives at the precinct and they reluctantly disengage their hands, while Beckett is pretending to read some file.

They don't get to discuss about the significance of the day for the rest of their working hours. The lab reports that finally made it to her desk after the incident with Esposito, started a domino of leads, interrogations and one hell of gunfire in an abandoned warehouse where they arrested their suspect.

It's after 9 when the sleepless night and the running around catch up with her. Since she managed to break the suspect and acquire his confession they all agree to leave the paperwork for tomorrow.

She offers to drive him to his loft and he accepts, happy to spend more time with her. She makes a stop in a neighborhood he doesn't recognize.

"Anything you need to pick up?" he asks curiously. She smiles gently in response.

"Come on I want you to meet someone."

When he steps out of the car he sees the gate and almost freezes. His next sentiment is sheer pleasure. He knew, or at least he hoped, that these last months she had been better about sharing her feelings, but bringing him here, today of all days, that's huge!

They approach the tombstone where he notices two sets of flowers.

"From you?" he asks the first thing that comes to mind. He knows it's stupid but hopes it'll make her talk.

"One from me, one from dad; I always bring her the white tulips, her favorites, while dad brings the exact set he bought her for their first date." She explains.

"Vincit, Omnia, Veritas" he whispers "Truth conquers all, that's your picking?"

"Nah that was all dad; but now after everything that we know about what went down it seems very fitting."

Silence surrounds them, he is a couple of steps behind her and she reaches for him, bringing him near her, tucking herself by his side.

"He would have loved you, you know. He already liked you just by reading your books."

It catches him by surprise, that's new information but he respects today and doesn't comment. He'll get the story some other day.

"After I was shot", she starts voice quivering "I didn't visit for months, couldn't make myself to step foot in a cemetery again. It was on this day last year that I came back, late at night so the flashes wouldn't send me into panic mode." The tears are now running freely and she stops and takes a deep breath in order to continue.

"It was the first time I wished I had someone here to hold me while I fell. I wished that YOU were here to support me."

She can't continue any longer, her sobs are taking over and he pulls her fully into his arms, enveloping her in a crushing hug while she continues to cry on his shoulder. Neither knows how much time has passed but it's after a long while, when he feels her pull back from his hug and with a small smile she leans back in for a chaste kiss and a whispered thank you. She intertwines their hands and starts leading them back to the car when Castle turns his head and whispers: "It was nice to finally meet you."

* * *

They don't talk on their way back to his loft, so when she parks the car and heads for his building he asks surprised, "You staying?" She just smiles and continues for the door. Neither speaks as they prepare for bed. When they are settled in, she snuggles and starts kissing his neck, his cheek, whatever part she can reach.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he asks.

"For not pushing me, for giving me space, but most importantly for supporting me. I know I could have handled the day better, hell I shouldn't have left last night" she confesses again.

"Don't worry; we'll both learn how to push a little more in order to get what we want." He reassures.

With a sudden motion she is on top of him kissing him lovingly, expressing with her kiss what she can't yet express out loud.

"Just hold me!"


End file.
